Let’s Talk About Sexual Intercourse

Sexual intercourse, also called copulation or coitus, is a physical act in which two or more people engage in sexual stimulation to achieve sexual pleasure and, sometimes, to reproduce. 

The most common type of sexual intercourse involves the penetration of one person’s genitals (penis) into another person’s genitals (vagina) and is a fundamental aspect of human reproduction. This is also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex. Other forms of sexual intercourse include anal sex, oral sex, fingering, and penetration by use of a dildo. These activities involve physical intimacy between two or more individuals, are usually used among humans for physical or emotional pleasure, and can contribute to human bonding. 

Sexual Intercourse: What’s Normal? 

Depending on societal, religious, and cultural norms, what is regarded as “normal” in terms of sexual activity can vary greatly. In many cultures, sexual intercourse is considered a private and consensual activity between adults. Women can have sexual partners of different genders. Generally, when it happens between consenting adults who are of legal consent age—which varies from country to country—it is typically regarded as normal.

During sexual activity, the body goes through different phases. First, there’s an arousal phase where blood flows to the genital area, causing clitoral stimulation and vaginal lubrication in women. The body then reaches a peak of excitement with increased heart rate and muscle tension. This leads to the climax or orgasm, characterized by intense pleasurable sensations and rhythmic muscle contractions in the genital area. Finally, the body returns to its normal state after this phase.

It is important to remember that everyone’s experience is unique, and open communication with your partner is essential for a satisfying and comfortable sexual experience.

Sexual Intercourse: What’s Not Normal?

Abnormalities during sexual intercourse may include persistent pain or discomfort, difficulty becoming sexually aroused, unusual bleeding, or the presence of strong, unpleasant-smelling discharge. This can indicate infection or inflammation and you should get a sexual health screen and or consult a healthcare professional. We will share an article on sexually transmitted infections soon. 

Another common challenge that women experience is vaginismus which is when the vaginal muscles tighten up in a non-pleasant sensation when an object such a penis or dildo is inserted. Additionally, a loss of interest in sex or difficulty enjoying it can also be concerning. Inability to reach climax can also be a problem. Although, the experience of climax varies from person to person. It’s important to recognize that these issues can vary from person to person, and seeking guidance from a healthcare professional is advisable if any of these symptoms occur.

Women’s sexual health: Start by talking about your needs.

Even though it might be difficult for you, your partner cannot read your mind when it comes to your sexual desires. Sharing your thoughts and expectations about your sexual experiences can bring you closer and help you achieve greater sexual enjoyment.

To get started:

• Get to know your own body and be comfortable with your sexuality It is important to be familiar with your own body, your sexual likes and dislikes. Get a mirror and have a look at your vagina. Try different sensations by yourself or with a partner. You can also use sex toys to explore your body.
• Admit if you have anxiety or discomfort. Feel free to express your anxiety. Opening up about your concerns might help you start the conversation. Tell your partner if you feel shy about discussing what you want, and ask for reassurance that your partner is open to the discussion.
• Start talking. Talking about your sexual relationship might help you increase your confidence and comfort level. Avoid overwhelming each other with a lengthy talk. By devoting 15-minute conversations to the topic, you might find it easier to stay within your emotional comfort zones. Your conversations about sex will get easier the more you talk.
• Use a book, video or online resource. Invite your partner to read a book on women’s sexual health, or ask them to suggest chapters or sections that cover the issues you have. A high quality video or online resource could also serve as the basis for a discussion. However, as much as possible try and avoid fixating on pornography or glamourised Hollywood sexual scenes as it can create a distorted view of sexual intercourse and that can create further issues.

Thoughts to consider if you are experiencing sexual dysfunction

• Do you have unprocessed sexual trauma? This can be a difficult question to answer as poor previous sexual experiences, sexual abuse or rape that have not been addressed can create an unhealthy emotion around sex. It is important to discuss this with a healthcare professional or therapist. It might also be helpful to share with a partner if or when  you are comfortable enough.

• Are you setting aside enough time for sexual intimacy? If not, what can you do to change the situation? How can you prioritize your sexual intimacy? Think about how you and your partner can support each other to help create time and energy for sex.
• Your relationship. Talk about challenges between you and your partner that might be interfering with sex and ways that you can address them.
• Do you and your partner have the same definition of romance? Is it missing? How can you reignite it? How can romance set the stage for sexual intimacy?
• What gives you individual and mutual enjoyment? Be willing to listen to your partner’s requests and find compromises if one of you feels the other’s requests are unreasonable. Talk about what sexual activities make you uncomfortable.
• Has sexual activity become too predictable? What adjustments could you make?

For instance, explore different times to have sex or try new techniques.

• Emotional intimacy. Sex is more than a physical act; it’s also an opportunity for emotional connection, which builds closeness in a relationship. Try to take the pressure off each other when it comes to having sexual intercourse or achieving orgasm. Enjoy touching each other, kissing, and feeling physically and emotionally close.
• Physical and emotional changes Are there any physical changes affecting your sexual life, such as illness, weight gain, changes following surgery, or hormonal changes? Address any emotional issues, like stress or depression, that may be preventing you from enjoying sex.

How to handle differing sexual needs

Sexual needs vary. Many factors can affect your sexual appetite, including stress, illness, aging, family, career, and social commitments. Whatever the cause, differences in sexual desire between partners can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, rejection, or resentment.

Talk to your partner about:

• Your intimacy needs Intimacy is about more than just sexual needs. Intimacy also includes emotional, spiritual, physical, and recreational needs. If your emotional intimacy needs aren’t being met, you might be less interested in sex. Think about what your partner could do to enhance your emotional intimacy, and talk about it openly and honestly.
• Your differences in sexual desire In any long-term relationship, couples might experience differing levels of sexual desire. It can be normal to value quality of intercourse over quantity. Discuss your differences and try to explore options that will satisfy both of you. However, remember that low libido can be a sign of a medical concern and if it persists, it is important to consult a healthcare professional.

When to talk with your doctor

If your difficulty persists or you have concerns about sexual intercourse or any sexual practices, it’s a good idea to seek information from reputable sources. Consider consulting a qualified healthcare professional or a therapist who specializes in sexual health and relationships. Remember that communication, consent, and mutual respect are crucial elements in any sexual activity.

For a condition like vaginismus, there is often an interplay with psychological and vaginal health. This is something that can be discussed with a healthcare professional and approaching treatment from both these perspectives is helpful. Psychosexual counselling, mindfulness and mental relaxation techniques can be invaluable and a woman’s health physiotherapist and the use of pelvic floor exercises and vaginal dilators can also be very helpful.

Likewise, if a physical sign or symptom—such as vaginal dryness—is interfering with your sexual enjoyment, ask about treatment options. For example, a lubricant or other medication can help with vaginal dryness associated with hormonal changes or other factors.

Although talking about sexuality can be difficult, it’s a topic well worth addressing. Women’s sexual health, like men’s, is important to their emotional and physical well-being. But achieving a satisfying sexual life takes self-reflection and candid communication with your partner.